have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
