I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
