So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
