I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
