Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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