she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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