A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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