She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
