Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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