I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
