I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize