i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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