What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oh god it's open bar.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize