so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
