my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
