So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
