Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
