Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
