9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
