It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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