The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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