You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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