The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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