Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
