I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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