life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
