all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
