Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
