dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
