i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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