I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i think i just lost a toe
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
