So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
