I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
