In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
