Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
