i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
