Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's never too late to be topless.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
