If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
