...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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