FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
