allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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