haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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