i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
