can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
