now i know why i became what i already was.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
