shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize