Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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