Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
