There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
