Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
