the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
