Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize