redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
