We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
