Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
