He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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