I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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