theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
