How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize