If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
