the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
