evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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