My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
