At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
