i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
