I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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