How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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