I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize