Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
