I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
