So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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