I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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