im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I could fuck to npr.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
