You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We named our party play list daddy issues
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
