I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize