You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
