is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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