just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is not my ceiling
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
