Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
