ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They have beer where we have blood.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
