I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
