based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
