i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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