I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
