well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
