We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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