Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
