No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
