My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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