Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
