okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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