If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So many bounce houses so little time
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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