Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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