Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
