He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
