Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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