I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize