Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
