went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's get the cat blown out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
