Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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