I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
