It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I haven't been this sober since birth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
